wanna go halves on a baby?
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
