so that wasnt chicken after all
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
