Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
