you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
