does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
