May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
