Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
