I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
