Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
