And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
