i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
my being single is dangerous.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
