I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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