i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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