To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
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