The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
