found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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