if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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