Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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