Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
