make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
