Me. At least after what I've been through.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize