I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
