I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
