I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
