My friends, they love my intelligence
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
You made out with two different species that night
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
