so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
