so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
