When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
