Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Randomize
