could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
we made out on top of his cat.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
