I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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