Dude my mom stole all your condoms
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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