he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
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