They should really pass out barf bags in church
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Randomize
