Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
she told me i tasted like america
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
