Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
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