no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
he thought i was a dude.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
