yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
