Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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