fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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