I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
The cops high fived after they tackled you
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
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