bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
