I only kidnapped one of them. chill
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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