I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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