Please don't use social media to get back at me.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
