Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
