Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
