Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
