How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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