How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
