I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
