nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
