Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
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