I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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