Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
