So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
