If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
