Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
