Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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