Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize