My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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