Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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