You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
