May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
