I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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