im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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