I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
