so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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