I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
