i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
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