Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I want her autograph on my taint
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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