Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
