just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
