Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
