I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
