so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
