Don't you send me to vm
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
