at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
