Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
she peed on how many people?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
