Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
