Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Randomize
