yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
