Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
