Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
