You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
