Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
