I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
