So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
