she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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