no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
