Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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