I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
