You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
