Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
