every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
