Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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