first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
