we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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