Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Randomize
