once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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