drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
